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  • Writer's pictureDINA HAWTHORNE

Anxiety made you do what?

Caution: Littered with Profanity / Strong Language

You are looking at your watch and know you have to be somewhere in 5 minutes, but your clock, an object…somehow will determine what happens to your livelihood in a manner of minutes (you tell yourself). Your hands begin to sweat, and other parts of your body, you are discovering can and are sweating. You enter the transportation that will take you to your destination. As you move forward, your mind creates a host of terrible scenarios, which doesn’t help your anxiety.

Now, if you are the type to mask your feelings and pretend you are okay - while you are emotionally a wreck, your stomach has prematurely completed the digestion of last night’s dinner and is preparing for an early departure, in the form of diarrhea. If you are the type to expose your anxiety, a loud…you are pulling over the car and trying to keep your stomach’s contents from showering your passenger seat - vomit. And if you are anything like me, you are pulling over and talking yourself out of a panic attack, while “talking” yourself out of thinking the worst possible outcomes,

“I am getting to work on time, I will not lose my job. My boss will understand. Shit happens…right? I am not a robot! I had a long night, and I did wake up early. I need medication for this shit. It’s gonna be okay, just breath, girl…no I mean woman, you passed the girl’s stage a long time ago. Shit, maybe it is because I see myself as a girl…. SHUT UP! You have 2 minutes to get to work, and you are not going to make it. The reality, you are pulled over at the side of the road, and you are hyperventilating…take 2 puffs of your Asthma pump, say a prayer, get back in your car, turn your music up loud, roll your fucking windows down and go to work. Worry about all the other stuff when you get there.”

If you are anything like me, you openly and aloud wrap up with, “Okay, I can do this!”

Anxiety is interesting to me because although I am aware it is entirely irrational, it allows me to accept the world I live in is filled with uncertainty. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t seem to like this prospect’s notion at all and shows up in the form of…you guessed it, anxiety. The only certainty I have, and I am made aware…Birth and Death…. that’s all. Everything else is chucked up to what we choose to do with the life we are giving, how we wish to endure life challenges, and who we will share the roller coaster of life with…friends, companions, and animals, solitude, God, etc.

Anxiety now has made itself a part of your life, and somehow you have to muster up enough courage to determine what position it plays in your life... in your family begrudgingly. One thing I have learned, anxiety always shows up when you trying to live your best life. It’s like the devil’s cousin who doesn’t want you to be great. The voice you battle with or medicate. It is that family member you ignore and somehow make an appearance, and you are reminded why you don’t fuck with them.

Anxiety…although classified and understood to be a bit irrational, it has real effects on our official bodies and minds. Let us be gentle with ourselves and realistically manage the silly family member that lives within.


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